And the College Curtains Close…

I’m only left with one week in college (Yeeaaay 😅😓). Well I’m excited and scared at the same time(mixed feelings). Been writing this post for over 3 weeks now (exams😣) and also because I really didn’t know exactly what to write. College is over, cooperate world here I come? ….. I didn’t know really. But then I decided to reflect and i got to understand that it’s just the fear of the unknown that’s making me scared.

I’m about to enter the big world, meaning more responsibilities and expectations. I’m the first child in my family and the ‘title’ comes with a lot of expectations. The whole family is just looking at you like you can’t make mistakes (I’m not superwoman please😩and she also makes mistakes😂).

A few weeks ago I was watching Gary Vaynerchuk videos (a prominent Youtuber, American-Belarusian entrepreneur , best-selling just watch his videos 😉). He talks about what to do after college and embrace the first five years after college. It’s okay not to know what you’re going to do because you are entering the 5 year amazing period of your life. Greatest time of your life, time to realise your potential and attack the life you want to live.
Short terms (siya) You only live once maximize on that, Not to worry about getting a job but rather travel, start a business, be part of a organization you have always wanted to join, massively risk everything (there’s more fun in trying to be honest😄). The world isn’t what mummy and daddy told you it changes constantly.

Grind at your highest.
Believe you can soar higher than you have before.
And the future is now so better utilize the moment.

Gary Vaynerchuk

This being said especially by an American is really hard to consider (I mean come on how can we travel in this Zimbabwean economy l😂l). Let’s just say do what works in Zim y’all!😄. But let’s not think these harsh conditions can limit you but rather try to work in such conditions and you never know you might enjoy it. Be creative, they say think out outside the box but you need really need a box to think:/

So check out Gary Vee’ s video on Life after college and also What Nobody Tells you about life after college. This might help🤗and also there are more exciting videos( I liked those two:)). Not African yes buuut I’m sure there are a few points that are contextual. I’ll be your African experience in a couple of months so sit tight with what I have researched (well my boyfriend sent one of the links😂).

Until next time Blackmwana is out♥.


The Mirror: Biggest Fan or Worst Enemy

I’m not good enough!😓I can’t do this😞What will people say if I fail?😣

Each and everyday I find myself saying these words.(not intentionally, subconsciously).
I have always struggled with my self-esteem (still am really) and it’s really hard to be self assured when the rewards or achievements daily are close to none. I couldn’t even post my first blog because I was scared and doubted myself. I was done writing in March only to publish on April 14(😑Yeah its that’s bad).

The reason why I’m always in doubt Is because I’m an over-thinker (a blessing😋 but also a curse). I think and overthink and end up focusing on the negative aspects more then I shut down, and end up not doing anything. The other thing is just by looking and interacting with me, you’ll probably never notice. You might even celebrate me and my achievements not knowing that, inside, I’m tearing them all down.

I’m not telling you to pity me but instead to learn from my mistakes because it will ruin you. Ironic right? 😂😂I have been writing about growth and positivity but here I am (such is life😃).Buuut I have a great support system guys (S/O to friends and family) and I’m building my confidence step-by-step, it’s a rocky road but I’m getting there. I really need to trust myself, believe in myself more and take a look at all the things I’ve achieved makes me want to reach greater heights and also grow, and so will you!

So How to build Self Confidence?
1. Confidence is knowing you don’t have to compare yourself to anyone.
2. You’re not below or above anyone
3. Stop thinking: I can’t do it! Feeding our minds with negative thoughts won’t do us any good but destroy us!
4. You are good enough right now, always and forever.

An introvert might say yeah right 😂 you talking to the extroverts only, but everyone can be confident. Being confident is knowing you are great without having to be seen, Its the SILENT WINNER and the HUMBLE CHAMPION😊

In researching not only for this blog but also for myself, I found this nugget of wisdom. The Six Pillars of Self Esteem according to a book by N. Branden. Because I love you all I summarized what would’ve been a 3 hour audio book for you into the following paragraph

What is Self esteem you may ask?
Self esteem is our personal evaluation for own worth, and may not reflect our actual talents and abilities. It’s strictly our opinion:how we feel about ourselves.
1. Living consciously-able to focus on what is happening now. Stop thinking about the past or future.
2. Self-acceptance- accept yourself unconditionally ❤
3. Self-responsibility- in charge of own choices. We don’t blame others for our own choices. Don’t expect others to make us happy!
4. Self-assertiveness- practice honoring our needs and interests and expressing them in appropriate ways.
5. Living purposefully- we set goals and make plans that allow us to reach them.
6. Personal Integrity- “We walk our talk”
(Okay fine you got me😂I only listened to 30 mins then googled the remaining 2hrs30 mins… I have exams cut me some slack!)

Everything is in the mind. We either master it or it masters us(some genius said this😂I forgot the name😥). Understand that our brains naturally try to focus on the bad for the sake of our own survival, and being able to criticise yourself is key to growth. Don’t overdo it though (too much of a good thing is bad)

So go on don’t limit yourself, Soar high even if you fail it’s way better than someone who hasn’t tried. Remember, “Our Limitations are those we set up in our minds”.❤

Healing the Unseen

The Second Chapter to the sad love story(lol)

Well this is basically how I healed and extra Blackmwana healing tips😉. It’s going to be short and interesting (we don’t want you getting bored now do we?).

So How did I heal?

So I mentioned in my previous post I never told anyone about it after the blow i kept it to myself. Yeah, worst decision I’ve ever made (and I’ve made many bad ones😂). Only my pillow knew those days and I lost all the will and strength to pray

I began to lose weight. Constantly being asked what was wrong made it worse😣 (never ask about weight please!), I was jealous of every couple I knew😂 (I needed someone also please😓) and never found anything worthy to do in college. Everything just became a energy waster and time consuming.

See, in these times you need someone to talk to. It took me 3 months to finally talk to someone. That person is my mum.

She was really supportive and told me how I had lost my glow and she was beginning to lose the daughter she knew. Talking to her helped me realise that I should move on, take care of myself, think positively,never doubt myself and most importantly there is more to college life than just boys(don’t get me wrong I found the one after waiting for my time). This really helped me and I steadily managed to move on.

So time for Blackmwana’s Tips on healing!

1.Talk to someone(I think I have stressed this enough). Talking helps, you’ll be relieved and feel like the mountain you had be carrying crumbling down.

2.Focus on yourself. Grow!Live!Be Joyful and in the process have Fun!. Do what makes you happy and don’t care what the next person thinks. Trust me they will join you,happiness attracts positive energies.

3.Treat yourself like King or Queen you are. Buy yourself icecream😉It’s therapeutic(this is basically rewarding yourself for putting up with that broken heart, well done!). You treat yourself that way and people will follow suit. lead by example!🙌.

4.Forgive(I would have said and Forget😂but who am I kidding). Forgiving someone when they haven’t asked for forgiveness is the hardest thing to do!But you know what apologizes will never come, some people will never apologize they will hit you with a ‘wuut’ when they feel you’re calmer(I wasn’t throwing fireballs😂but yeah trying to tickle your imagination). It helps you and you’ll be able to focus your energy on things that make you happy. Good for personal growth.

5.Pray.Meditate.Sing! I’m a Christian so I talked to God and as a daughter would talk to her father. He will listen to you with judgement and as my sister always says ,”God’s time is the best”, he will answer and the results are always phenomenal!

Being in a relationship with the right person at the right time is amaze balls! You’ll be able to grow positively and for your partner the real deal of a relationship. But you must be patient ❤

You can only be the best version of yourself if YOU take care of yourself. Be selfish(😂not ruining other people’s lives please) when it come to you , you’ll need to sow the positivity you’d like to reap. Think about what you love about yourself, what makes you happy or has made you happy and most importantly surround yourself with a positive vibe.

🌻Until next time Let’s Flourish🌻

INTRODUCTION: Sold College Dreams

Hello:) First blog post(Yeeaaay!). Why it has taken me 3 years to write again honestly I don’t know either but feels good to get my groove back(many Thanks to a friend 😚). I suppose this should be an Introduction message of who I am blah blah but No the Stories will definitely do that for me. So here goes something!

Why am l here again? Oooh yeah, First Year of university😋. I started in August 2016 I was excited and scared(mixed feelings scenario *sigh*) Being the first one in uni there were so many expectations and obviously this comes along with pressure from within and people around I was determined to impress, get good grades,have good friends and get into a relationship. I had prayed about this, set goals and even did a mini research on how campus was. I got new friends(orientation even visited someone at their house😂) and even rekindled old friendships. Here is the part you have been waiting for(it’s exciting😉): I would honestly like to say I was caught up in the university GOLD RUSH(LOL) and didn’t even know.

So I met this guy at a meeting(I really like meeting new people) exchanged numbers and conversations were on fiiirrree!😂. Mans was tall(my type😊) and I really liked this one,let’s say he was my uni first love(😂in my mind though)

So “we” really had a good time even went on certain trips together and vibes like a couple. I didn’t question why he didn’t ask me out,why wasn’t officially labelled his girlfriend or even meet his friends because I though it was a relationship and not a hook up.

I played myself he was healing(girlfriend had left the country or got cheated on 😣I forgot but he was healing) and I was just a distraction, a fling to make him feel better and I didn’t know he wasn’t ready for a relationship. He would text,talk till it was midnight (sometimes even later), call me to hangout and even went on certain trips together. Then he started ignoring me,replying me like he was no longer interested.

Honestly it hurts being the only one who puts in the effort, trying to make sure he’s okay when in return you’re just treated like a nobody. Being a place holder really hurts, being needed only to satisfy someone’s pain and not even realising it.

You see problem 1 I was assuming and not even trying to communicate how I felt about him(still doesn’t know). After the fling mans got what he wanted moved on and here I am confused,shattered and really mad at myself. What have I done to deserve this?, am I not attractive enough?,I can’t make a good girlfriend?

What did I do wrong?

Started hating myself, called myself names, and withdrew from certain circles because I just felt worthless and that I had someone do what they like and just leave.

Really bad huh?😔Yeah I was a mess and lost a lot of weight, just saw negativity in my life and even remember crying myself to sleep(talk about depression).

The journey to recovery was difficult cause I didn’t tell anyone about this and occasionally lied about what was bothering which made it worse for me. I know you were expecting good first year vibes but you see I experienced the worst when it comes to a relationship.

I then told my bestfriend and he told that “Kudzi it happens to the best of us” and this made me realise I’m the best and life happens you know when you least expect it.

Why did I write such a saddening story on my first blog(Yikes right) but you see this will be a great lesson or relatable to someone. It’s good to share and remind people that they aren’t alone.

So here’s something that might help:communication is key. Assumptions will only lead you into trouble and just make sure both parties are at the same level.

It would’ve have been best to ask yes, but it would’ve been hard. I would have sounded too forward and insecure yes, but you look out for yourself and not be worried about what the other party is thinking. You Have certain that you’re making the right decision for yourself.

You really need to watch for the signs. It’s easy to put on our rose tinted lenses and ignore the signs especially with it being a new college experience and everyone is flourishing(bae goals) at least that is what I thought. Remember you need to the hard things cause at the of the day it’s Self Love!

I could go on and on but I’m sure the story has a revelation and I hope you have enjoyed!

Until next time of another episode of the first year in University experience hope you’ve enjoyed this one🙃.